Monday, March 21, 2005

what i'm desperate for...

When was the last time, I feel enthusiastic?
Once upon a time.
When was the last time, I was on a vacation?
About 1k-days ago
When was the last time, I feel that life is full of excitement?
Not recently, that’s for sure.
When was the last time, I take myself as “someone really useful”?
I’m not even helpful at all.

Know what I have in mind? It’s time for me to chill out. I think I should get a new job or go on a trip. I need a freaking change or at least a bit of excitement in life. My present job is driving me bonkers that I’d prefer to be sent to the jail. I have nobody to talk to and so little effort to put in. I am paid to do just nothing which spoils me into a rotten fruit. All of a sudden, I feel that life is so meaningless. Do I really need the money so badly that I’m willing to live like an old tin?
I figured that I need to do something about this, I have to! I don’t want to die in this office because of boredom, or being accused of irresponsibility (for doing nothing really useful to the company). I don’t want to ruin myself in this negative manner, seriously. Sometimes, I come to work late, leave early, doze at working hours, go out for a drink with friends at 3pm (teatime break I declare for myself), invite strangers in so that I can communicate with someone face to face, get online to update my blog, talk on the phone, sms on my handphone etc, etc… ain’t there anything better I can do (besides washing the toilet)?
For the past 3 months, I’ve tried to love this job or adapt to it but I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t feel that I’m needed here and deserve the pay. I feel so bad that I’d rather stay at home and help my mum do the household chores or get a job with a lower pay that keeps me busy enough but makes me feel that I’m worth the value of the pay.
I don’t think I’ll regret over my decision once it’s made.


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